Birchbox July 2016 Review
Luckily, my Birchbox did finally make its merry way into my grasp. Here’s what it contained:
100% Pure Green Apple Nourishing Body Cream (0.198 oz), approximate retail value $0.37
If you would desperately like to smell like Jolly Ranchers, this is the body lotion for you! I don’t know why Birchbox sent three of the same scent, since they clearly have samples of the other scents as well. Unfortunately, I found the smell thoroughly distasteful and incredibly juvenile.
The product is also very thick and greasy. Birchbox brags that this product does not contain water. You know what? I want my moisturizers to have water in them! This is like rubbing molasses mixed with canola oil on your legs.
Benefit Cosmetics Girl Meets Pearl (0.25 oz), approximate retail value $18.75
This is by far the best sample that I received in my box. Unfortunately, it’s a sample of a product that I already own. Is it Birchbox’s fault that they failed to stalk my Sephora purchasing history and I consequentially found myself with a sample of something that I am incredibly familiar with? No. Am I still bitter?… Maybe.
Girl Meets Pearl is a luminizer that smells remarkably similar to scented Magic Markers. (Given the body lotion, I can only assume that the person who picked out the scents in my box desperately wanted me to re-live my childhood). It provides a subtle, pearlescent glow when applied. I really like this product, which is why I already fucking purchased it.
Benefit Girl Meets Pearl on Human Face
The sample size is missing the weird set of holes for product to ooze out (which is what happens in the full size) and instead uses a more traditional tube. This is good news for anyone with trypophobia. (If you do not know what trypophobia is, do NOT google image search it. This is not a joke. Don’t do it.)
Number 4 Super Comb Prep & Protect (estimated 0.75 oz), approximate retail value $3.55
This product is a leave-in conditioner. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to have any effect on my hair at all. Conditioner usually leaves my hair super sleek and soft, but there was no such effect here.
The Birchbox website suggests that the scent is floral, but it smells more like rubber cement to me. Thus, using it was like spraying rubber cement-scented water in my hair.
Benta Berry G-1 Moisturizing Face Cream (0.16 oz), approximate retail value $3.52
I just can’t figure out why this moisturizer is special. There is literally nothing to say about it.
Birchbox Bobby Pins (2), approximate retail value $1.67
These bobby pins and nice, cute, and super sturdy. They definitely effectively hold your hair in place. So, you know. They do the job. Whatever.
Total Box Value: $27.86
Although this is a totally acceptable box value, the value drops dramatically without Girl Meets Pearl, the product that I already own. Instead of $27.86, the box is worth a mere $9.11, less than the $10 I paid for it. Since I’m feeling pretty “meh” about the other products I got, I’m definitely dissatisfied.
Given the points system and given the fact that this would have been a good box if I have never tried Girl Meets Pearl, I can’t complain too much. I will just have to drown my sorrows by picking up a free eyeliner with my hoarded points. May next month be more successful.
If you find yourself filled with a compelling desire to give Birchbox a chance, feel free to use my referral link here.