Birchbox September 2016 Review
Here’s what I received:
Yes to Grapefruit CC cream in Light and Light Medium (estimated 0.1oz), estimated retail value $0.94
I’m not really the right target audience for CC creams, since I want my foundations to have the coverage of house paint. Like the last CC cream I tried (the Juice Beauty one that inspired by Beauty Bullshit series!), this feels like placebo makeup. I can see that I am putting something on my face, so I feel like it must look a LITTLE better… right? Right?
If you already have perfect skin, but you like the idea of wearing face makeup, you may enjoy this product. The “light” color was actually a pretty nice shade for me. It just happens to perform none of the functions that I want from my makeup… It does smell like grapefruit, though.
Swatches of the Yes to Grapefruit CC cream in light on the left and light medium on the right.
I wish that there was some way to let Birchbox know that there is pretty much a zero percent chance that they’ll sell me a sheer foundation product. Sorry, guys. Try someone whose acne doesn’t look like an unfinished pointillism portrait all over their face.
VOESH New York Collagen Gloves – Premium Manicure Hand Mask (1 set of gloves), approximate retail value $6.67
This is some weirdass shit, here. If you’ve ever worn latex gloves and thought, “I wish that these were gooey on the inside”, VOESH has your solution.
The idea behind these is that you put them on their hands, and they marinate in a solution of collagen and vitamin E. I guess they also protect from UV light? Because you’re wearing them in the sun? Really, they’re just gloves full of lotion.
You can rip off the tips of the gloves if you want to paint your nails AND look like a dork at the same time.
The glove itself is two layers: an outer layer that is a traditional glove material and an inner layer that feels like dryer sheets. I did use these gloves while painting my nails and, unfortunately, the stringiness of the dryer sheet material seriously interfered with my manicuring. It really wasn’t a functional product.
I see literally no benefit to this product for anyone who owns any form of lotion. Lotion can give you hundreds of uses; a $20 packet of these gives you three AND you look absurd AND they don’t work, both in design (because of the awkward inner layer) or scientifically (because soaking your hands in collagen obviously doesn’t restore collagen in your hands).
Yes to Blueberries Age Refresh Cleansing Facial Towelettes (8 wipes), retail value $2.99
I love these products so much that I already use them every day. I actually have a full review here! It’s not necessarily super exciting to get a product you already own, but hey. I know I’ll definitely use these guys.
Ruffian Nail Lacquer in Hedge Fund (full size at 0.17oz), retail value $10Ruffian, the fashion brand, just released their first nail polish. The colors are pretty, the packaging is lovely, but DAMN is this pricey when you factor in its tiny size. $10 for 0.17oz is $58.82 per ounce. That’s almost four times more expensive per ounce than, say, OPI ($8 for 0.5oz is $16 per ounce).
Hedge fund is a mossy green that my boyfriend says reminds him of Naked Juice’s Green Machine smoothies.
Coastal Scents Eyeshadow Sample in Set 34 Thrill Ride (0.07oz), approximate retail value $3.06
I am the first to admit that I have had some trouble with Coastal Scents’ eyeshadow quality. These four colors in particular, though, are really lovely and buttery and pigmented. I was bummed initially to have gotten these, but I was quite happy once I swatched them.
Pinehurst is a satin forest green.
Burnished Brunette is, contrary to its name, a satin dark gray.
Golden Sienna is a shimmery, foiled-looking bronzey gold.
Boca Mocha is shimmery medium brown with an almost pink-y sheen.
All four colors are really lovely.
Total Box Value: $23.66
I’m definitely content with this box, though I’m not ecstatic. Some products weren’t for me, but I enjoyed trying them. I was pleasantly surprised by the eyeshadow and I was very happy with the nail polish. I think the box would have been less underwhelming if I had never tried the Yes To Blueberries wipes since those are genuinely one of my favorite products in the whole wide world, but it’s not Birchbox’s fault that I already own those. When you add in the value of the Birchbox points system (which I LOVE), I become much more pleased. In fact, if you’ll excuse me, I have a shitload of points that I’ve racked up in the Birchbox store… Time for some free blush.
If you suddenly realized that a Birchbox subscription would fill your heart with joy, you are, as always, welcome to use my referral link here.